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Monsters

by Holy Goats

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1.
Did Someone Say Holy War? 02:59
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Me and my best friends, we don't forget what we do it for. Carry on with this carry on, big laughs at your holy war. Now come bear witness to my tweets in all their timeless glory; Leather bound posterity for future generations. Behold, the thumbs that launched a thousand hopeful invocations To ancient gods who smiled upon me and said, "Shut the f**k up!" Me and my best friends, we don't forget what we do it for. Carry on with this carry on, big laughs at your holy war. Wait, for a moment there I quite forgot to thank my backers. My mortgage lender gets a special shoutout: impeccable taste. Remember late nights fuelled by red wine known as "Al Pacino"? We've come a long way but still Mickey Mouse; he smiles upon us. Me and my best friends, we don't forget what we do it for. Carry on with this carry on, big laughs at your holy war. Me and my best friends, we don't forget what we do it for. Carry on with this carry on, big laughs at your holy war.
2.
Our Lost Cause 02:52
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We've got a scarecrow clown with a belly full Got a weasel man with a sack of wool Got a skeleton done up in a cheap suit A lot of lost boys looking for a meet-cute We've got a big mouth glued to a megaphone Got a megabrain living in a bathrobe Got a hot mess here, cold face sneer Loyalty cards for your xenophobes Ooh what can do when there's no future in our lost cause? Ooh sha-la-la ooh, sha-la-la ooh We've got a small man ready for the big time Got a brass band playing for the end times Got apocalypse puckered for the hellmouth A lot of paperwork coming on the way out We've got a robot running out of batteries Got a photo op with the mushy peas Got to press some flesh, dress to impress Carnivals in the factories Oh what can we do when there is no future? Ooh sha-la-la ooh, our lost cause Oh what can we do, we unhappy few Ooh sha-la-la ooh, when there is no future? Cling to me, I'll cling to you and our lost cause
3.
Extinction Event 04:05
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I got the beast cream You got your teeth cleaned Learned all about it on a movie screen So come on Out through the in door Outlaw your in-laws This place has got all of the buzz of a chainsaw, come on Swear on the cross that you’ll shrug it all off Just shake it off baby, ugh when it drops Oh come on Don’t need a witness for taking a risk kid We got the fitness so get listing ya business, come on! You got the world sussed Diamonds and pearls plus Learned all about it from irregular girls So come on Up on the downside Swimming in clown slime This place is popping like a porn star’s crime, so come on Now cross your heart, hope that you’ll turn the tide Don’t cross the street for a poke in the eye, no no no You might preach but you can’t teach the choir Speaking electric you’re a little live wire, come on! I got a ticket to the extinction event Called 'em up asked 'em what exactly it meant No dinosaur ever saw what was coming for him Am I a future fossil have I lost before I could win? I’m not ready I won’t give in I’m underneath It’s lose or... I dropped the sad sack You got the mad cap Two speedy demons on a shut down track Oh come on We bring the sunshine To the end times vibes It ain’t over til Fat Benny chimes Now come on Don’t breathe a word, don’t make a sound This life is a yoyo just keep spinning around oh come on I gotta tell ya if we gotta go down I’m glad I knew ya now let’s blow this ghost town, ah come on! I got a ticket to the extinction event Called 'em up asked 'em what exactly it meant No dinosaur ever saw what was coming for him Am I a future fossil have I lost before I could win? I’m not ready I won’t give in I’m underneath It’s lose or...
4.
Knowing Joella 04:11
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She is the one who knows she’s always in the right (Joella) She is the one who’s always looking for a fight (Joella, Joella) Always so sharp one word can cut you like a knife (Joella) Never the one to tell you it will be alright (Joella, Joella) It’s a sorry scene when she arrives to drop her truth bombs through your screen It’s obscene you know, the queen of all she’s seen, on a mission to demean She got your number and she’s not afraid to call (Joella) Counting the seconds til your back’s against the wall (Joella, Joella ) Always the one to bust her clouds over you all (Joella) She’s always there to step up on you if you fall (Joella, Joella) It’s a sorry scene when she arrives to drop her truth bombs through your screen It’s obscene you know, the queen of all she’s seen, on a mission to demean Here comes Joella, here comes Joella Modelling this season’s misery There goes Joella, there goes Joella Sashaying through more catastrophes You know Joella, oh you know Joella Putting the bad in your baddest dreams Don’t answer Joella, never Joella She’s just a good time killing machine
5.
How I Learned To Love Worrying About The Bomb 05:10
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No no, no no, no no, no no, this time you can't refuse Not any use, so play it louder Get up, get up, get up, get up, get out and start a fire Burn 'em down and build 'em higher You know, you know, you know, you know, you play a mean guitar But not too fast, you're only human Solo, solo, solo, solo, solo, solo, solo, solo, so low Just goes to show I ain't happy but I'm not sad What are you going to do about that? Go on, go on, go on, go on, it's time to change your ways Like Dolce say, "shaddap you face" No cry, no cry, no cry, no cry, my my, you've learnt to smile Frown upside down, the not-so-shy guy No no, no no, no no, no no, won't go without a fight And that's your right, you're only human You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, I don't know Enjoy the show! I ain't happy but I'm not sad What are you going to do about that? I ain't angry but I'm not calm When's somebody going to drop the bomb? We won't be going home soon We won't be going home again We won't be going home soon We won't be going home again, not ever We won't be going home I ain't happy but I'm not sad What are you going to do about that? I ain't angry but I'm not calm When's somebody going to drop the bomb?
6.
Been Anywhere Nice 03:29
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How many broken bones will it take to bend me? How many lasered eyes til I can see? How many broken hearts would it take to end me? How many golden bulls til I believe? When your bull s***s, who cleans up after it? Now we've all got to sit in the mess When we run out of road I say "stop", you say "go" Cos this is it and we must make a success Now we're both on the bus, it looks triple A plus If you squint til you can't really see You tell me again about your powerful friends Excuse me while I sit here and scream Now I'm out on my own and out of my mind Get out of my house, get out of my life And everyone says, "Been anywhere nice?" Will you know shame before hell freezes over? Or will I get blamed like every other time? You chisel "f**k off" on the white cliffs of Dover Burn it all down to erase the scene of the crime When the gravity fails we're gonna run off the rails And you keep running us right into the ground Kiss goodbye to our friends instead of making amends "Auf wiedersehen," maybe we'll see them around I'm getting panic attacks from undeniable facts But you keep lying lies right into my face Try to spin me around, tell me up is now down You want to put me back into my place Now I'm out on my own and out of my mind Get out of my house, get out of my life And everyone says, "Been anywhere nice?" It's all down to you, it's not up to me You've taken my car and swallowed the key We drive off the cliff, well isn't this nice? How many broken bones will it take to bend me? (Have you no shame?) How many lasered eyes til I can see? (Have you no shame?) How many broken hearts would it take to end me? (Have you no shame?) How many golden bulls til I believe? (Have you no shame?) No chorus for you
7.
World King 05:17
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I’ve been cheating on us Oh honey don’t make a fuss I don’t deserve your disgust It’s you who gave me your trust You knew I was a bad boy Love to play with new toys And if some get destroyed Well I just redeploy Hey honey show me your will And I’ll show you mine Let it go for a thrill I’ll take you for a ride Honey I’ve got a dream What your future could be Oh yeah, it’s all about me History you see it’s only just a story Fiction trumps fact and the winner gets the glory Follow me honey it’s about to get gory There’s a t**t in a hat says he’s never kissed a Tory Deny Christ thrice I will never explain I will deny any baby the right to my name I will never think twice I will not accept blame And honey this one is a promise you’ll remember my name World king Feels like the worst thing has really happened World king Is it a curse? Then why the f**k are people clapping? World king This is perverse, I am a drink away from snapping World king If we want it reversed we’d better get cracking I’ve been building a bridge It’s not a real bridge I thought of a bridge I never mentioned a bridge You see your old habitat? Well I’ve got big plans for that There may be some caveats Just roll out my welcome mat Too weak to be autocrat Too lazy for technocrats A plastic aristocrat I know the Latin for that I’m full of holes to pick at Somehow I never fall flat Self-satire is my format That’s why I’m hard to get at History you see it’s only just a story Fiction trumps fact and the winner gets the glory Deny Christ thrice I will never explain I will deny any baby the right to my name I will never think twice I will not accept blame And honey this one is a promise you’ll remember my World king Feels like the worst thing has really happened World king Is it a curse? Then why the f**k are people clapping? World king This is perverse, I am a drink away from snapping World king If we want it reversed we’d better get cracking World king Feels like the worst thing has really happened Is it a curse? Then why the f**k are people clapping? World king This is perverse, I am a drink away from snapping If we want it reversed we’d better get cracking
8.
Quarantine Age Kicks 04:25
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This news just in: the walls are closing in Bear it with a grin and your patience wearing thin Take this one on the chin, sometimes you just can't win At the end of everything, I guess I'm staying in At the edge of the night when you turn out the light You can't see it but you know it's out there This will continue, just don't let it in you You can't feel it, it's okay to be scared It's a time of superstition and pretentious premonition Sub-moronic politicians, yeah I'm feeling sort of vicious So dive in, we're thriving, we're alive in quarantine Just sit tight, it's alright, we don't fight the quarantine Just take a deep breath, close your eyes, escape into your dreams Get out of bed, don't lose your head, change your colour scheme So dive in, we're thriving, we're alive in quarantine Just sit tight, it's alright, we don't fight the quarantine Just take a deep breath, close your eyes, escape into your dreams Get out of bed, don't lose your head, change your colour scheme Breaking: the world, turns out it did get worse Russian bots, America First, one giant leap in reverse Inhale the loss like glue or teach yourself kung fu If the good life's overdue, I guess this one's got to do In the thick of the night when you're far from the light You can feel it, there's something out there This can't continue, run to your window Throw it open, suck in that air You feel a presence, turn your gaze to the heavens The angel's got a lesson: "Turn it up to eleven - go!" So dive in, we're thriving, we're alive in quarantine Just sit tight, it's alright, we don't fight the quarantine Just take a deep breath, close your eyes, escape into your dreams Get out of bed, don't lose your head, change your colour scheme
9.
A Much Better Song Than Every Single One Of Them 04:20
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Hey little buddy what you doin over there? Did you tie those shoes did you cut that hair? Did you sleep with your whip in case you get scared? Did you leak it to the papers about your big affair? Oh yeah, oh yeah, that’s right, I went there Who dares compare tarantulas This is a message, our simple message to you It’s not what you say, it’s not what you do When you add it all up, you just don’t have a clue I think you should go away and shut up You’re the 99p store Machiavelli Cold as ice cream with so much jelly Smirking on Newsnight, "Mum, I’m on telly!" How do you remember where the bodies are buried? Put your Gavin in, take your Gavin out, here a Gavin there a Gavin shake him all about Water your Gavin twice a day and he’ll spout whatever pish you want on Today This is a message, our simple message to you It’s not what you say it’s not what you do When you add it all up you just don’t have a clue I think you should go away and shut up Education! Defence! Impressive! Nonsense! Jingo bingo! Sweaty palms! Flags flags flags! We’re charmed!
10.
Chemtrail Jesus 02:41
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Did you know those liberals are all peodophiles How to recognise a lizard man: just look at his smile Mobile masts are really there to control our minds I tell you, 5G’s made of evil and the Queen’s a reptile Did you know that Kubrick faked a trip to the Moon How to brainwash a baby: show it backwards cartoons Vaccines are a hoax there’s no such thing as immune I am a very stable genius in a bed sitting room It’s all a con-con-con-con-conspiracy You gotta get up pretty early to get that one past me You know I know what I like and I don’t like what I see It’s all a con-con-con-con-conspiracy In Area 51 the Grays are singing the blues They’ve seen how flat the Earth is, so they know it’s all true Mainstream media won’t play this song on the news It’s the New World Order AKA you-know-who It’s all a con-con-con-con-conspiracy You gotta get up pretty early to get that one past me You know I know what I like and I don’t like what I see It’s all a con-con-con-con-conspiracy Chemtrail, Chemtrail Jesus We believe, won’t you please believe us Chemtrail, Chemtrail Jesus Save us, save our souls Chemtrail, Chemtrail Jesus We believe, won’t you please believe us Chemtrail, Chemtrail Jesus Save us, save our souls
11.
Viva Progress 04:52
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I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change I've changed, no change I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change I've changed, no change I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change I've changed, no change I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change No change Do you want to come to my party? All of the cool kids are here Searchlights, straight jackets, neon Nowhere to disappear Mum said if life gives you lemons, Then son you make lemonade So, since the orchards got tortured Been drinking acid rain Viva progress, all change is good Let's get undressed, feel understood Call off doomsday, we feel alright Red pill, blue pill, all through the night Do you ever feel you've been cheated? Maybe the cool kids don't care High five the bad and the ugly The good just didn't dare Mum said if you pay it forward It all comes back to you Some people, they pay forever Hey baby don't be blue Viva progress, all change is good Let's get undressed, feel understood Call off doomsday, we feel alright Red pill, blue pill, all through the night I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change I've changed, no change I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change I've changed, no change I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change I've changed, no change I'll change, I won't change, I can't change See change to be change, I'll plant change Could change, should change I've changed, no change
12.
(hidden track) Plague! Run For Your Lives! 02:10
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Doctor's in a duck mask Doctor's in a duck mask Doctor's in a duck mask I don't like it Doctor's in a duck mask Doctor's in a duck mask Doctor's in a duck mask Run away Plague! Run for your lives Plague! Doctor's in a duck mask Doctor's in a duck mask Doctor's in a duck mask I don't like it Doctor's in The doctor's in The doctor's in The doctor's out Plague! Run for your lives Plague! Plague makes a man think things over Plague, I want to live forever Not going to happen

about

This started as a lockdown project, April 2020. Something to help us stay sane. Turned out the best way to keep our marbles was to write sarcastic songs about the many monstrous forces that started messing the world up in the years before the novel coronavirus came along. At least nobody's uncle voted for Covid. We didn't really stop writing, so there are more albums on the way imminently. ENJOY!

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released December 4, 2023

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Holy Goats London, UK

Fergus and JB play happy, angry, catchy music using mostly guitars, percussion, keyboards, jokes, and bottomless despair.

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